CelebMagnet is starting to get invited to more and more exclusive, private events, including my very first fashion show. But before you let the phrase “lucky girl” crawl across your mind, wait and read this post because I think afterwards, you will see yourself as the lucky one instead.

I was looking extremely forward to this event as I had always wanted to be front and center ogling avant garde ensembles I would never dare wear myself. So, on I went to this “poolside fashion show” hosted by an upscale Los Angeles boutique which shall remain nameless because I am about to bash their event. My blog is not mean-spirited, so, my point is not to bash specific people or designs; just poorly-planned logistics.

This event was touted to have summer styles from two designers, cocktails and sangria, appetizers and gift bags. Well, they had what seemed to me to be limitless vodka and sangria, though the bars opened 20 minutes late. If you drink alcohol, you were good to go, unless you find it a bad idea to drink on an empty stomach. As for “appetizers”, there were none. My source told me the host was spotted at Wholefoods buying “2 bags of chips.”  I actually think he was exaggerating the number of bags purchased because I saw perhaps 5 guests with a cup of chips each. And then they ran out.

They also ran out of gift bags. But before they ran out, they were being extremely stingy to the point that we all thought there was gold inside each. I was one of the lucky few who got a gift bag. I looked excitedly inside like a kid on Christmas morning only to find a 6 Oz bottle of lotion and a small tea candle. Oh, and a $50 off coupon card to a hair salon in Beverly Hills. Thanks – I gave my gift bag away.

I thought: “No worries. I am not here for a gift bag. And it is OK that I am hungry. It is OK that they have nothing for a non-drinker except Sprite (worst drink ever). At least I am warm, and sitting by a pool. And that Lady Gaga‘s mother was here too somewhere.”

But as the sun began to disappear, and as I started to get colder and hungrier, I started to wonder, “Why am I here?” And even more so, “Where are the models?” They kept us there for 2 hours and 45 minutes of a 3 hour event and right when it was too dark to see anything, the fashion show started. Unfortunately for us, the hosts had also forgot to include night vision goggles in the “limited quantity” gift bags because no one could see the fashions walk by. And some people were probably too drunk by that time to know what was going on. And it’s too bad, because I think the outfits were actually cute. From the little that I could squint and see. You can see for yourself; I actually think the video came up more lighter than the actual live event, and surely, the zoom lens helps:

I thought, maybe it was me. That I had a bad attitude about the whole thing. That I should have eaten before I came. That I should have brought my own water bottle or soda. So, I asked a seasoned photographer what he thought of the show. “Lame,” was all he could muster. And then he added, “that was the worst lighting ever; one should never have light pointing upwards at a model.” So, there you have it.

Funny thing that the one bright spot in the evening was meeting the MC of the event, touted on the invite as “Monique StaTeena from ‘America’s Next Top Model.'” Monique was extremely sexy, beautiful and sweet and took time to meet all of the guests after the event ended. I was moved to do a little bit of research on her to see if she had actually won Top Model. I did not find “Monique StaTeena.” But I did find “Monique Calhoun” who I believe is one and the same and who was kicked off America’s Next Top Model three shows in on season 7 for not “giving it her all”. I don’t watch Top Model, nor had I heard any juicy gossip about her, so, I had to look Monique Calhoun up on Wikipedia. Per Wikipedia, on an episode of Top Model, “Melrose (another model) went to use the phone, and Monique barged in and demanded the phone. Melrose then slammed the door on Monique, who retaliated by taking her undergarments off and rubbing them on Melrose’s bedsheets.” That about sums up my night.